...and then some...

Working normal

2006-06-05T10:11:00.000+10:00

I've been really lazy these past couple of months. Not only have I not posted anything here, haven't even visited it! I won't be blaming it on pregnancy (people say that you tend to be forgetful when you're pregnant) but purely on laziness.

It's been almost 4 months since my last post but I have been updating some friends through my friendster blog as to how my pregnancy has been going. Hmm...maybe I'll just copy what I posted there and put it here. But won't that be like what's that word...pliagi...ahhh!!! whatever it is that's it, myself if I do that? Well, I'm here now and better put something worthy of people's eyes.

I'm back on normal duties and boy, it feels nice. Although I do have the occasional setbacks because I'm being very careful not to injure my very sensitive wrist otherwise everything's fine and dandy. I'm waiting for my first night shift after 3 months. Wonder how I'll turn out to be? Maybe I'll be more sleepy because of my pregnancy or I'll be more lazy and not wash my patients altogether. Hehehe....that's bad.

Anyway, being back on the floor makes me feel like a normal person. You don't hear people tell you or ask you, "when are you gonna be a real nurse?" or "can you do this for me while you're floating?" I'm now the one who gives out the orders or the favors for the others. Nope I'm not 'returning the favor' or whatever but it does feel different when people ask you if you need anything and not the other way around. So much for work. I'm on an ADO so I shouldn't even be thinking of it.

It will keep us alive

2006-02-10T10:13:00.000+11:00

I seem to be addicted to the Eagles and posting lyrics. Haven't been online for quite sometime and even if I am online, the messages that I have to read keeps taking up most of my time.

Last night, we were watching my husband's newly-bought U2 vertigo concert in chicago. As I am not really a huge fan (although I would have loved a ticket for their concert here), I fell asleep halfway through it. But one concert that I wouldn't fall asleep in is The Eagles. I don't care how many times I watch the concert so long as I can hear the soothing voice of Timothy sing this song

LOVE WILL KEEP US ALIVE

I was standing

All alone against the world outside

You were searching

For a place to hide

Lost and lonely

Now you’ve given me the will to survive

When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

Don’t you worry

Sometimes you’ve just gotta let it ride

The world is changing

Right before your eyes

Now I’ve found you

There’s no more emptiness inside

When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

I would die for you

Climb the highest mountain

Baby, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do

I was standing

All alone against the world outside

You were searching

For a place to hide

Lost and lonely

Now you’ve given me the will to survive

When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

"Home"

2005-12-13T17:27:00.000+11:00

Posted this on my friendster blog and since I couldn't think of anything else to put in to this blog of mine, decided to post this again. I just love Michael Buble'...his songs always hit...

"Home"

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

“I’m fine baby, how are you?”

Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I’m lucky I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home

I’m just too far from where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life

It’s like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not Come along with me

But this was not your dream

But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come

And gone away

And even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I’ve had my run

Baby, I’m done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be allright

I’ll be home tonight

I’m coming back home

wala lang

2005-12-12T22:10:00.000+11:00

I have to think of another lousy excuse for not posting anything on my blog. Used to be so active in writing down my thoughts, rantings, ramblings and so on and so forth then all of a sudden, I just didn't want to do it anymore.

I wish I could go home to see my folks like my bro. Unfortunately I don't have enough resources to go back. I'm keeping my fingers (including my injured thumb) that I might be able to come home on Christmas next year. Hmm...I might injure my other thumb if I keep doing it.

My brother in law was here for three days and I told him instead of taking home all the stuff that we asked him to give to our parents and nephews and nieces, pack me in his bag and take me home. It is afterall still my home.

Haaay....

surviving surprise

2005-11-07T16:17:00.000+11:00

I never thought that someone's actually reading my posts. Life does spring up a few surprises once in a while.

I'm still surviving and still in one piece. I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get a tongue-lashing on study day as I haven't submitted any of the packages that was given to us. I just don't have the energy (nor the answers) to do it.

We've had two losses in our group. One resigned and the other transferred to a lighter area. I wish I can do the same thing but my aries streak is coming out. I'm too stubborn to accept defeat and perhaps I would never accept it until...well...never.

absentee

2005-10-05T16:06:00.000+10:00

It's been awhile since I posted anything. I guess it doesn't really matter since no one's reading my blogs anyway. Just like with what's been happening in my life.

My last entry was dated way back in august and it's october already. In my almost 2 months of absence I've been doing lots of things. The most significant in particular is finally getting into a hospital and start working there. I though that this is the best thing that could happen to my professional life. Or was it really???

I started working three months ago and the supervisor was kind enough to put me in as a regular staff which was great since she can probably see that I had something in me. Not even a week into my job I walked up to her office and asked her if she can possibly transfer me from being a regular staff to one of the trainees. It was perhaps the most crucial and hard decision that I had to make up. She told me that they (her and the educator) had a feeling that I might talk to them and ask them to go into training. You know why?!?!?! Kasi one of the staff told them that I am not ready (which at that time I wasn't really) and having second thoughts. Ever since that day she and one of the pregnant ladies always looks at me in an odd sort of way. I feel like everyone is pushing me around as well.

I feel like I've had enough of this but I have to push on. I don't want to look like a complete failure just because I couldn't stand up to them. Before I got married I told myself that I'd stop being such a snob and be the nice girl. But the nice girl thing is not working here. You either have to be a bitch (like most of them) lest you'll be trampled upon.

There's so much more that I'd like to put down but I'm inside the library and I might get too emotional for my own good.

Oh well...

Pathological Liar

2005-08-19T11:44:00.000+10:00

I'm feeling so guilty right now. For the past couple of days I haven't gone to work simply because I didn't feel like it. They've called me earlier checking if I can do an extra shift. After saying yes I immediately called them to take it back and making up an excuse which even for the layman will sound lame. Now I'm overcome with guilt and instead of forgetting about the whole episode I'm thinking of calling them back to say I changed my mind again. But that will make me look like a fool.

During my conversation with my husband I told him that I think I've become a pathological liar (if there is such a term). I can't remember the number of times that I've had to make an excuse just to get out of something then feeling guilty afterwards. If that's the symptom then I probably have it.

I don't want to sound as if I'm defending myself but these past few days have been draining me of my much needed energy for work. I've had a lot of things on my mind one of which was a big decision on where do I go from here?

I was talking to a nun and I asked her what made you decide to be a nun? She gave me back the question asking me what made me decide to be a nurse? I've thought about my answer and the only thing that comes into mind is, "my mom asked me to." I still have the same answer a decade after I finished college. It doesn't make sense, I want to serve and I know that I'm good at what I'm doing but why is it that I can't think of a much better answer?

Ahh...all this stress is making me bleed again. That is one symptom of stress for me...bleeding. I don't want to go deeper into that topic as it will probably make people throw up.

Maybe lying has become a defense mechanism of mine when I want to get out of a tight bind. I just hope that I don't have to make a real excuse and then I'll look like The boy who cried wolf.

Nope, I'm not lying.

all i wanna do...

2005-08-19T11:41:00.000+10:00

My husband never reads my blog, he probably doesn't even know I have one. Anyway, i'm just feeling a little sentimental since this morning. I love this song just as much as I love my hubby. Looking at the lyrics made me think that this is what he's doing for me (except carry me around when my arthritis strikes and I never drink alcohol). I'll definitely grow old with you honey.

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks

Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink

I could be the man who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you

olympic event

2005-08-08T11:00:00.000+10:00

Two saturdays ago me and the hubby decided to check out something at the Sydney Superdome. I guess the tv ad which they keep on playing got to us so we went there and tried to prove them wrong. The five bucks shop as we call it (the daughter of a classmate of mine christened it as such because of the tv ad) was located inside the Sydney Olympic Park so after going to that shop which wasn't actually a shop since it was like a warehouse event, we drove around and checked out some of the other exhibits and took some pictures as well.

Hubby told me that of all the olympic venues this one was the best. Of all the countries which held the olympics this one was the only venue which was converted into something profitable. Meaning in other countries after the olympics was held the venue was left alone, not used for any other events whereas in Sydney, they hold footy games, tennis, concerts plus the olympic village gave way to a new suburb, newington. Isn't it great when you can recycle something old to make it look new. I think the 2012 people got some of the 2000 people to help them organize their olympics. Another reason for the aussies to celebrate and be proud of what they've achieved

The picture was taken at the overflow. This was where they kept the fire burning so to speak. I was amazed when I saw the names of the gold, silver and bronze medalists from both the olympics and paralympics inscribed on the path towards the overflow. We were looking for the name of the filo who won a gold during the paralympics but wasn't able to find it. Wonder why? Hmm...maybe we mixed up our olympic years.

skating on ice

2005-07-29T16:44:00.000+10:00

I survived my first day on duty alone as an RN this week. Next week I have 5 days in varying shifts which will test how well can I cope with my new job. Good thing I had someone I can talk to during my last duty but on the next couple of days it will probably be a quiet one for me as all of the staff on hand are from NESB. Oh well...

Two sundays ago, me and my husband watched Disney on Ice at the Superdome. I loved it! I missed it when I was in the Phils eventhough I had a ticket on hand because one of my co-workers didn't want to swap shifts with me. She said that she had to do something important that afternoon which turns out was just a small get together with the same peoplet that we work with. No biggie event, they just wanted to go out. Gosh! how selfish.

Anyway, I enjoyed the show but was a bit disappointed that my favorite beauty and the beast only had a small part as cinderella was their main focus. Still it was fun watching them on ice, it's like being a kid all over again. That's belle in the picture. She tried to make a triple axle but ended up on the ice. Sayang ang galing pa naman niya. But the one who's really impressive was Mulan. Hmm...maybe I'll talk about in length on some other post.

Someday when me and the husband will watch it again...we'll have a kid watching with us. Wish ko lang!

greedy streak

2005-07-13T13:41:00.000+10:00

It happened again. I was having the time of my life writing down my escapades for the past couple of weeks and then it never got posted. For reasons unbeknownst to me it keeps happening and it's getting pretty weird.

I'm gonna start working again. My former boss asked me if I can do shifts for them while I'm waiting for some hospital to take me in and I gladly said yes. No use letting my brain cells die because of inactivity when there's an opportunity for them to die a noble death. But I told my boss that when there's an opportunity for me to practice in a hospital I'd grab that as well. Do I sound greedy? Hehehehe...

From iking

2005-07-01T11:22:00.000+10:00

Text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO ofAppleComputer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered atStanford on June12, 2005.I am honored to be with you today at your commencementfrom one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college.

Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life.

That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother wasa young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me upfor adoption.She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates,so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents,who were on awaiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We havean unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said:"Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school.She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After sixmonths, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no ideawhat I wanted todo with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles forthe 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, everylabel on every drawer, was beautifully handcalligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac.It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Macwould have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And sinceWindows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computerwould have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college.But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trustin something -your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky - I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and Istarted Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a$2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone whoI thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, ourBoard of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out.What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was avery public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me - I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle.

As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went somethingl ike: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No"for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I'veever encountered to help me make the big choices inlife. Becausealmost everything - all external expectations, allpride, all fear ofembarrassment or failure - these things just fall awayin the face ofdeath, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn'teven know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but mywife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it isquite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The WholeEarth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in MenloPark, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch.This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of TheWhole EarthCatalog, and then when it had run its course, they putout a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry.Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. StayFoolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

36 CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS

2005-07-01T11:04:00.000+10:00

I don't usually read forwarded messages but this one somehow made me think twice. I got this from my cousin who now lives so far away from us.

An Angel Says... ...never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.

36 CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS

1. Pray.

2. Go to bed on time.

3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4. Say No, to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.

6. Simplify and unclutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many : )

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects overtime; don't lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you to do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house keyburied in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.

17. Get enough exercise.

18. Eat right.

19. Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.

21. Write thoughts and inspirations down.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.

24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.

26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you, Jesus!".

27. Laugh!

28. Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but yourself not at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best theycan).

31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

32. Sit on your ego.

33. Talk less, listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of theuniverse.

36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've been grateful for before.

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

made it!

2005-06-27T10:13:00.000+10:00

I passed it! After 7 tough weeks I got word last Friday that I made it. We are still waiting for the fate of 2 of our pinoy classmates but the me and the other girl from the visayas region passed. The hubby wasn't surprised when I told him of the news because he was sure that I'm gonna make it. He was so proud of what his wifey achieved that he organized all the relatives to have a get-together last Saturday. As with every other pinoy gathering, the magic mic was in full swing. Some were a bit concerned that the neighbors might become upset from all the noise that we were making so they didn't sing but everyone had a good time.

Now comes the hard part...finding a job. Hehehehe...

pain-free

2005-06-21T10:47:00.000+10:00

I wish that I had the a lot more time on my hands to do my blog. I envy some of my friend's blog (even that of my bro) coz they're so full of color and pictures and links. They can write their thoughts every single day where as me, if I have the time then I'll write a thing or two which will probably be full of nonsense.

Anyway going back to the big event last year. On the day of the wedding I woke up at around 8am and felt a bit weird. I don't know if it was wedding day jitters but I was having stomach cramps. Rushing to the toilet I discovered that I had an unwelcome visitor and of all days it chose to come on that day! I couldn't believe it! I sent a message to hubby and he was so disappointed and concerned that I might feel unwell for the rest of the ceremony and I wouldn't enjoy the day. Told him not to worry as I wouldn't let anything spoil our day and hung up and had breakfast. My only concern was I won't be able to use the bubble bath because of it!

My maid of honor came while me and my mom were having breakfast and I told her about the unwelcome visitor and she laughed. Turns out she had hers as well that morning and we were both experiencing the cramps. She was an angel in disguise for inside her bag she took out painkillers that would help take the cramps out and make everything better. Nope it was not a banned substance (my mom would kill us if we took some) just a simple painkiller-relaxant that she brought home from Europe. It worked wonders for a few minutes after taking it I was pain-free.

A few hours after that the make-up artiste and hair dresser came. One by one the whole entourage trickled in telling me to relax, reminding me to eat and complementing my gown and all the other stuff that they saw inside the room. The flowers, butterflies, the designer of my gown and finallly my uncle who was to cover the wedding came. We all made funny poses before we dressed up and it made the day less stressful to see that everyone was happy and relaxed. Then it was time to take the trip that would change my life forever.

76 missed calls

2005-06-20T15:35:00.000+10:00

I should have posted this more than a month ago but because of school I completely forgot. Actually I did not forget it more like I didn't talk about it because I had other things in mind.

Me and the hubby celebrated our first year of being married on the eve of my exams. It also coincided with the birthday of my german classmate. Nope we didn't celebrate the day with her, we spent it doing our daily chores and eating an early dinner somewhere along the great western highway. When we came home, we reminisced and recalled some of the incidents which happened a few hours before the wedding, during the wedding and after the wedding.

The day before the wedding after we checked in and everyone left me alone inside our honeymoon suite. I fell asleep for just around 2 hours but little did I know that everyone was already panicking. Why you may ask? Because they've called me 76 times on my mobile phone, rang the room phone 10 times and banged on the door for more than half an hour. They thought that something awful happened so they were all holding their breath. When I woke up I checked my mobile phone and was completely surprised to find the 76 missed calls. I have no idea why I suddenly had the urge to open the door but I did and was surprised to see the hubby's cousins slumped on the floor waiting for the hotel manager to get hold of the extra key to my room so they can come in and see if I was still in one piece. I can still remember the look on their faces and it still makes me laugh.

After that all the other people who are responsible for the other tasks came. The assistants of the one who made my gown came to iron it and put it up on a mannequin. The bridesmaids dropped by for a chat and ask what they were supposed to do. My aunt brought some of the chocolates that will be placed on the table. Amidst all of these I missed one thing....me and the hubby didn't have any dinner at all! We ended up ordering sandwiches for dinner as the restaurants were already closed and since it's a tradition that he can't see my wedding gown we ate our dinner along the corridor of the room (we had a really big one) so he won't see it. I can't give you a clear picture but it was hilarious. We weren't even supposed to see each other on the eve of our wedding but we had to since we were still finalizing some stuff. Good thing that we scheduled our wedding for the afternoon as we both slept, in separate rooms at around 1am. Otherwise we would have looked horrible in our wedding pictures.

nonsense 2

2005-06-17T09:44:00.000+10:00

I've finally finished my 7-week assessment program. Today's supposed to be my last day at the hospital I was assigned in but I decided not to report anymore. Yesterday was the 2nd assessment and since I'm finished with all the school stuff, might as well stay at home.

I had a difficult time yesterday. Not only was my supervising RN a pinoy, she is also one of the bossiest people I've met in my 4 week stay in that place. What is it about pinoys like these?! Instead of helping people like me cope with all the stress they add more to it. Is it a territorial issue or is it just plain crab mentality? I just wish that they would be more supportive since they've gone through the same thing when they came in.

Next week will probably the longest wait that I'll ever have. Hopefully I'll receive a call which the person on the other line will say, "congratulations you've made it!" That will be a big boost to my confidence. It's hard to be confident when the more experienced people tell you that you're doing the wrong thing. I feel like nathan in my restaurant rules. So lost after that judge told him that his food sucks. Imagine the personal chef of Elle Macpherson being told that his food sucks. Makes you think what'll do to people like me.

Oh well...life goes on.

Pinoy Filo Flip

2005-05-29T16:58:00.000+10:00

Last week I started the second part of my assessment program which is the clinical exposure. I was half-expceting to be sent to a place which is nearer to my place unfortunately, it was already overflowing with students and accepting some of us will prove to be unbearable to the staff. Instead I was sent to one of the more popular hospitals which I won't be able to name for the reason that I may be hunted down by whoever is interested.

I was nervous the first time but somehow comforted by the thought that there will be a lot of Filipinos working in the area I was assigned. However at the back of my mind I was thinking that this might be a disadvantage based on how Pinoys act here. The first day turned out a bit funny as everyone thought that I was an Indonesian, someone even said that I might be vietnamese so they never bothered to talk to me in Tagalog. That's fine with me as long as they don't think of me as being "mayabang" because I never told them of my lineage.

I was paired off with a guy who came from the same college that I was in and he was nice. He told me almost everything that I need to know so I can pass the course. I shall forever be grateful to this bloke if I pass my assessment. I felt a bit comforted knowing that I have someone to ask if I needed answers. On my third day he wasn't there so off I went to someone else who was also kind enough to point out the areas which she saw needed improvement. Then it happened. As I was checking the doctor's order, a Filipina came and read the notes with me. Told her that I'd like to give it to her on the handover so that I can get used to doing it. To my surprise she replied that it was what she did and I couldn't change it...I can still give it to her verbally anyway. I didn't become upset with that reply but with the next..."kaya ang daming pilipino na bumabagsak kasi ang yayabang!" Goodness me! What the...?!?!?!?!?!?! Ano naman kaya ang pagyayabang sa sinabi ko? And to think she came from the same college as well I assumed that she would understand my needing to give it to her verbally. I became terribly upset that I, hate to admit it, cried out of sheer frustration and disgust. I couldn't talk back for fear that it might affect my assessment but I was sooo....basta! Bwisit talaga! I wish I could just tell her to ***k off and look at her face in the mirror dahil pareho pa rin kami ng ilong! Inis!

The next day my assessor came and I told her what had happened. She just laughed it off and told me to be strong as this is just "a small needle in the haystack" so to speak. There will be a lot more bullies to be pushed off so I have to get used to it. Think of it as something which will make you strive harder and prove that you deserve to be in the Aussie health care system. Still I couldn't help but feel mad at how she treated me.

Tomorrow's another week. I don't know what will happen but I hope I can make it through the four weeks. As for the Filo girl...call it anyway you want, the bottomline is we still came from the same country and you can never change even if you call everyone "mate."

12:01am

2005-05-19T08:42:00.000+10:00

Why the time? That's the first screening time of starwars today, 19th of May. You maybe wondering why they started it that early. Well...they predicted that there will be a lot of people queing for the movie so might as well start it on the first minute of the opening day. And boy! was the line loooooong.

I wasn't a big star wars fan before but as I grew older I realized that star wars is a good movie. But I'm not a big fan as my brother who practically lives and breathes star wars. I'm content to watch it over and over again and see if I missed something when I watched it again.

The time also signifies the day that we are going to be 3 less than the original class that we were. Three of my classmates failed the exams that were given to us. Unfortunately of those 3, 2 are Filipinos the other one is Romanian who looked liked a goddess. I don't want to dwell on the sad things but when these things happen it makes you think of your abilities as well. You begin to have doubts about your capabilities to perform the job that you had for several years. But then again there's still another chance for you to prove yourself. As for the three of them...I don't know.

Time for class...

wintery weather for exams

2005-05-18T09:17:00.000+10:00

I still have one more exam to go but I'm not so concerned of it as with the other exams. This one is classified as mastery so no need for me to perfect it in one sitting again. For those in the field the exam is in charting and since back in the Phils we have a different method of doing it, I have to practice what they're implementing here. For the layman, charting is how to document what you see and did with a patient.

There was a time when charting went on to occupy almost 2 pages of paper but here all you need is a few lines. Sounds easy but it isn't. A bit difficult to when you're used to doing something that you have done for how many years. As they say, the only thing constant in this world is change.

I'm going off on tangents here again. I can't seem to keep my mind organized for the past couple of days. I can't concentrate on some things especially when I'm out of the house because of the extremely cold weather and it's not even winter yet! I love the sun even if it makes a lot of people sweaty (and smelly for that matter!). The next couple of months are gonna be longer than I thought.

Have to stop...not making sense anymore.

exams part 2

2005-05-16T12:35:00.000+10:00

Part 2 of the exams proved to be easier than the first but after a bit of consultation with my classmates, I knew, nope not knew, know that I'm gonna have to resit that particular exam. The result calls for mastery of the exam meaning no mistakes so I have to resit this one out on wednesday. I'd rather resit the calculations than the problem-based assessment.

Have to end this more people are waiting for their turn to use the pc. Too bad...

Hopefully the third exam won't be harder than the rest. Hope my hearing won't fail me this time.

exams part 1

2005-05-16T10:32:00.000+10:00

Whew! I just finished my first round of exams for the day.

Today we are taking our tests to check if we have learned something from all the lectures that they gave us and if we know something enough for us to practice our chosen profession in this foreign country. It's not enough that you can perform it here, what they want is if you can explain it to your patients and help them understand what they are suffering from better. Did I tell you that I hate exams? Makes me feel like a total idiot at times.

Next up is my dosage and calculations. As if giving out exams is not enough, they have to give us a dose of math problems for us to figure out. Mind you, we can't use our calculators here which will make life simpler and easier. Reason...so that we know how to do it just in case the world will run out of calculators. AS IF!?!?!?!?!?! Even if we reason out to them that one of the requirements when going for your duty is a calculator, still they want us to not depend on it. Dang! wish I paid more attention to my primary school teacher when she taught us the multiplication table and the fractions.

I was the second one to finish the exam not because I knew everything but because I can't answer the questions anymore. I couldn't think of anything to put into writing so I decided to give my paper back to the examiner. Come to think of it, that's how I am. I usually finish way ahead of the others because I skip questions that I cannot answer in an instant. I tend not to dwell on things that my head cannot comprehend. "Does that make sense?"

Anyway, morning tea is almost up so I better get ready for the next round of examinations. Will try to come back after the next exam.

english speaking

2005-05-12T08:41:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting here inside the library for the first time in the 2 weeks that my assessment program started. I didn't know that you can surf the web in a school library as the one that I was in had really no access whatsoever. It's funny how the librarian will tell you that it's not for personal use when everyone inside the room is using it for their own personal use. Hehehehe...

School started last week and we have a hectic schedule, hence the reason for not updating my blog. Wish I could have more time on my hands but I don't. After school I have to prepare for the next day and it goes on till it's weekend. On weekends me and the hubby do the housework and I still have to make time to study my lectures or else. It's a wonder for me how people can afford to pass this course when they squeeze everything in just 3 short weeks. The others are finding it very hard because it's in english and they came from non-english speaking backgrounds. That part for me is not so hard since english has been a part of my life.

I'm going off on tangents here. Not really making sense of what I'm saying. This is a new experience...going back to school, meeting new people from different cultures. It's fun. Let's just hope that the fun doesn't stop here...may it continue till we all pass the course.

Changes

2005-04-21T10:37:00.000+10:00

After the initial shock of hearing the news about our rental home being put up in the market for prospective buyers has worn off, we've started to look for a new home. Although we're still in a limbo as to whether the new owners would want to live in it or continue to let us rent, house-hunting became our past time. I haven't posted anything for the past few days (save for the song) coz we spent most of our time surfing the net to look for a new home. I must admit that it's a bit exciting looking for a new home, planning on how to move everything out and arranging it again. I sure am gonna miss this place but you never know...maybe the next place that we move into will be better than this one.

We have a new pope and somehow I think that it is a sign for me. I used to work for an aged care facility with the residents predominantly polish. The new house that we're keen on getting is coincidentally, near an aged care center with mostly german residents. Maybe this is the start of something wonderful or maybe not. Pope Benedict XVI they say, is an intellectual and has some surprises up his sleeve. Maybe this is what we all need right now.

If I Ain't Got You

2005-04-19T22:13:00.000+10:00

This song has been in my head for the past couple of days...love this so much

If I Ain't Got You ::
Some people live for the fortune

Some people live just for the fame

Some people live for the power yeah

Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things

Define what's within

I've been there before

But that life's a bore

So full of the superficial

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain't got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothingIf I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain

Promises forever young

Some people need three dozen roses

And that's the only way to prove you love them

And in a world on a silver platter

And wondering what it means

No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain't got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain't got you

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain't got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby

Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing

If I ain't got you with me baby

the terrible news

2005-04-15T12:36:00.000+10:00

Today's probably one of the worst day in my almost 7-month stay here in Australia. While I was still in the shower I heard the phone ring and suddenly I tensed. For some reason I knew that that phone call was important. After drying up checked my mobile phone and I had a missed call. Something tells me the news is not that great so I sent a message to my husband asking if he was the one who called. It was him with some very half-expected but still surprising news.

Since we're just starting out, we are still in a rented property and the agents called him up telling him that the owners are selling the house and that he's gonna drop by to take pictures. I was devastated with the news. It felt like I was picked up and thrown out of the house in an instant. I'm not used to being in a situation like this since we were never asked to move out of our more than 30 years rental home back in the phils. Adding up to our woes is the fact that we're still in the process of saving up so we are not really prepared financially to leave the place. Both of us have good jobs but still, we can't afford to transfer in just a span of 7 months we just can't. Adding up to my woes is my work and my starting school next month. My workplace is just a kilometer away from our house so it's pretty convenient for me to just walk to and fro. School is not really a big issue but I wouldn't be able to concentrate since I know that we might move in a few weeks or so. This is just terrible.

I hope to God we can come up with the money that we are going to need to either move to another place or buy this house. My husband, ever the positive thinker said that maybe this is a blessing in disguise...we might be able to buy our own house sooner than we expected. I hope so too....

deleting the former

2005-04-14T09:39:00.000+10:00

I was chatting with a friend over YM yesterday morning and we talked about a 'former' and common friend of ours over something he wrote on his blog. Two of my friends have been telling me to keep my cool and not to lose my temper over what he wrote and I told them that I'm not in the least bit bothered at all. They felt like everything that he wrote was literally below the belt which I am in total agreement with them. I was initially bothered but I would never stoop to a level so low that I would post a comment much less send him an instant message again. So what I did was to take off my testimonial on his friendster account and deleted him on my friends list, that I felt was the best thing I could do. But going back and reading his posts, I understood my friends' reactions over his post.

I'm not one to overreact anymore. Before I got married, I promised myself that I will not let petty things affect me. What he wrote, his feelings, his being left out for me is petty. It was too late when he said the things that he wanted to say and he felt that it was my fault. What the heck?! I'm the type of person who never assumes anything unless you say it. The saying, "once bitten, twice shy" made me the person that I am. If you've never said anything upfront how am I to know what you're feeling? But it's all water under the bridge. I was about to try to make amends, apologise even if it was his or my fault but then like what I told him, he threw it back in my face. Mabait ako pero kapag puno na ang salop...blah, blah, blah. =D

No one's gonna be on your side if you keep yapping like a sorry loser. Losers are the ones who keep on talking when everyone else has kept their mouths shut. I know that it sounds a bit harsh calling someone a loser but that's how it looked like.

This is not the first time that I "deleted" someone from my life. A couple of months ago, I erased the number of a friend of mine coz I was so fed up with what she kept on saying and doing. Me and the hubby tried so hard to get through to her head but to no avail. She even accused us of not being concerned and not understanding where she's coming from. That was it, if she felt that we were intruding then so be it, we're not gonna say anything anymore and you're not gonna hear from us until you talk to us. Where we wrong in telling her to do what we felt was the right thing? Ahh...time will be the judge to that.

As for the ex-friend, all I can say is...come to think of it, I have nothing to say to him. I was about to tell him everything but since he didn't even gave me a chance I guess it's better left unsaid. I'm glad that I was able to explain my side to some of my friends and they understood my decision. That's the only thing that matters; that and the one who sleeps beside me every night.

books and links

2005-04-13T11:20:00.000+10:00

Unfortunately I wasn't able to post anything yesterday as I got immersed with the book that I was reading. It wasn't really a novel or some non-fiction bestseller, it was merely a harlequin mills and boon pocketbook. I've been reading this stuff since I was a teenager in the Phils. My aunt from the US sent in a big box full of books and in it there were 3 Barbara Cartlands and 2 Harlequin. Back then it wasn't even known as Harlequin Mills and Boon, they were two separate entities. I read all five books and that's how my lovestory with them began.

I can still remember back in those days when I'll buy three books and finish all of them in just one night. Since I finished all of 'em in one sitting, I'd choose some of my older books and re-read them again. I've probably read my books more than 5 times. When I was in the process of transferring from the Phils to here, I sent my books to my hubby one by one through snail mail. That's how valuable my books are to me.

I've finally uploaded the Beauty and the Beast link that I talked about in my unpublished post. I was looking for the best possible site when I chanced upon it. I thought it was something that my brothers did but failed to tell me. As it turns out, there's this namesake of mine who loves beauty and the beast as much as I do. I have trading cards, books (opened and unopened) pencils, and toys. I'm just so obssessed with the story and the movie.

nonsense

2005-04-11T16:18:00.000+10:00

Just as I was in a good mood to type away my thoughts last Friday turns out the system wasn't responding so I lost every single word that I said. I can't even remember what it was I was talking about. Hmm...maybe it was Beauty and the Beast or something else. Any-ho-how, I can't stay long in front of the pc as I'm gonna prepare me and the hubby's dinner. Besides, it's a bit late already, come to think of it it's only 18 minutes past 4 so maybe if I'd concentrate I'll remember what I typed down last Friday, or maybe not.

Ahh...nevermind. I'll punch in some thoughts tomorrow morning that way everything will look fresh as a daisy.

loving it!

2005-04-07T10:05:00.001+10:00

Don't you just love weddings?! Just browsed through the pictures of a batchmate of mine taken during her wedding. You can see from her face that she was so happy. I absolutely love the look on the faces of the bride as she walks down the aisle to go into the arms of the man she has chosen to be with for the rest of her life. Then when they finally go to the part where they have to dance together...it just feels so nice!

I love weddings, I'm a sucker for weddings. I dunno how many weddings I've been to because I lost count. Eversince I was a little girl I was the one whom my parents always took with them to attend a wedding. I thought maybe when I grow up I can put up a business which will involve me planning a wedding and organizing it. Little did I know that it was gonna be a big thing by the time that I was to walk down the aisle myself.

I'm thinking of posting something about my wedding but that would probably take the whole day to finish and I haven't got much time. Maybe I'll postpone it for another day of posting. ; )

nothing much

2005-04-07T10:05:00.000+10:00

Wasn't able to write anything yesterday due to some unforseen circumstances surrounding my account. I dunno what happened but it was perfect timing because I couldn't think of a single thing to post.

So what now? Hmm...trying to figure out what I was about to say. Nothing much really happened except a confirmation that I'm not pregnant. At least me and my husband can breathe a sigh of relief. Don't get me wrong, we do want kids but not now coz we are still starting. I still haven't adjusted to the new environment that I'm in so a baby will probably make me more emotional. Besides I don't want my baby to have a mother who's gonna cry with her everytime she's throwing a tantrum or something's wrong.

after a day's work

2005-04-05T15:57:00.000+10:00

Just got home after getting a call last night to report for the morning shift today. It was a pretty tiring day because I haven't worked for more than a week and more than 3 weeks in the morning shift. I was slow and my partner was complaining that we're not going fast enough. What the heck! if you think I'm slow then by all means finish whatever you can finish and then I'll finish whatever I can too.

Adding up to my woes is the fact that I can't understand what they're saying. I work for mostly non-english speaking patients and it sometimes gets to me that I cannot understand a thing. I feel like I'm so incompetent but I don't think I am. Oh well, I guess that's just how it is sometimes.

But I really liked something that I heard today. I dunno if it was a compliment or she was just blurting something out. One of my co-worker left her patient's book on the table and since I was the last one to leave naturally I took everything with the intention of putting it back to where it belongs. When my co-worker remembered it she took it from me and said, "thank you so much. I knew I'd forgotten something." Anyway that wasn't what I'm talking about. The other co-worker then replied, "at least she is thinking." So whaddya say? Is is a compliment or something else. I look like I'm dumb but somehow it feels like it is a compliment. Why do I say so? It's because the other 'newbie' is a trying-hard-know-it-all-type. She thinks that because she was schooled here it means that she is superior than everyone else. So I keep calling her "boss" to annoy her. But that's another story.

Anyway, so much for that. Gotta run lest I might not be able to eat a decent supper again.

Blogging at last

2005-04-04T16:40:00.000+10:00

I can't believe it! I've finally succumbed to the pressures of the internet and am now hosting a blog spot. How can that be?! I'm no techno-junkie but somehow the pull of putting up all my feelings on the net is so strong I had to put one up.

How does it feel? Hmm...tough question. It feels normal as if I'm just writing it down on paper but the difference is I can easily erase a thought or two and someone else can read it. So how does this thing really work? I dunno and I really don't care...probably just take it one day (hopefully) at a time and then just go on and on and on and on.

Here's to the first post!